10 Mental associations which worry me

Nothing better for inducing neuroses than defective neuro-associations.

Throughout our lives we make many mental associations. We subconsciously associate ideas and objects together based on our unique experiences.  Our brain is doing this all the time - mental pairings or neuro-associations.   

This can be useful and can be exploited to improve the quality of our everyday lives - if self-help manuals and other guides on boosting memory are to believed, but most of the time they don't make much sense, They can also be exploited by advertisers to build and reinforce brand awareness.

Here are some of mine:

1. Mr Man Soap

Mr Man soap smells reminds of an Aeroflot flight I took 1988/89. I have recently noticed that the toilets at Doncaster railway station also smell the same. Must be the same cleaning fluid. I thought it was the strange lemonade they served up on free on Aeroflot flights.  I mentioned the power of smell to evoke memories on my Russia page blog: http://blog.therussiahouse.net/2013/05/aeroflot-smells-like-mr-men-soap.html

2. Staple Remover

Removing staples with a staple remover reminds me of eating ice cream at a South Brittany beach in 1982 - there were no staples involved as far as I can remember.


3. Scales

Find myself launching enthusiastically into singing "mmm bop" in falsetto voice, then wondering why or how - Oh yes, I've just weighed myself on some scales which happen to be made by Hanson.

4. Helmans Mayonnaise

I am compelled to say "Hoo hoo" (in the manner of Bob Carolgees in the early eighties "don't save it for the salad" mayonaise adverts) - every time I see a jar of Helmans mayonnaise. More worryingly, and I mean no disrespect to our armed forces in Afganistan, whenever I hear a mention of Helmand province. 

5. Aldi's own brand washing powder Almat

Loading up the washing machine using my favourite Aldi soap powder, I find myself singing "Almat, pure and simple . . . ", but instead of continuing with the correct lyrics of the Randy Crawford song "Almaz", my version segues into "You lucky lackee baarsted (as in the classic Life of Brian scene when Brian is captured by the Romans and thrown into a cell).

Or sometimes its a trigger for a Borat impression: "most of all I like to go to Almaty and watch ladies make a the toilet".

6. Sadolin varnish

Going in cupboard in the garage I accidentally spot an old tin of varnish.  I try to slam the door shut before I can read the brand, but it's already too late "Sado-li-i-in, no sadoli-i-i-in, is no sadoli-i-i-in, at all". Sadolin varnish to the tune of Elton John's Sacrifice. 

7. Beans on Toast

Whenever this is mentioned I have to repeat the words in a semi suppressed strained shout "BEEENS ON TO-AAAAST!".  The origin of this goes back to when I was a first year at Washington Comprehensive school,during a music lessons with Mr Ward.  Half way through the lesson, some lad on his way to a PE lesson would push open the the classroom door, just a little so he could be heard but not seen, and shouted at the top of his voice "BEANS ON TOAST" - at the same time, every week.  Apparently it was some bizzare and obscure insult to the teacher.  I did find out eventually that it was related to an interview the teacher had once given to a school magazine edited by pupils.  When asked his various likes and dislikes favourite music, colour etc, he had responded with "beans on toast" for his favoutite food.

8. Volaré

SAAAA-  Lami, Woah oh, SALAAAMI, woh oh oh oh

9. Neil Kinnock

Easing myself into a red hot bath, or acclimatizing to a hot sauna, I find my self saying "aahh lovely, lovely . . . " which becomes a bit more gutteral then, well, a bit more welsh "luvleee luvlee" so I end up sounding like the spitting image version of Neil Kinnock: "luvlee black peepil".

10. Kitchens and Bathroom Paint

Or just about any other similar combination of words that can be sung to a line from Terrorvisions 1996 classic Perseverance:  "Whales and dolphins, kitchens and bathrooms yeah".